The Journal of a Teenage Fire Prince
by Insane Elvish Vampire Pirate And The Demented Hobbit Ninja
Summary: The Fire Lord, a cold heartless man? Or a teenager trying to get a date to the ball? Even Ozai had to grow up. Co-author, Kris the Ninja Pirate. HIATUS! Sorry.
1. The Journal

Disclaimer: The most I own of Avatar is my Season 2 box set.

Summary: The Fire Lord, a cold heartless man? Or a teenager trying to get a date to the ball? Even Ozai had to grow up.

A/N: The beginning of this chapter is more of the prologue, but it was too short to post alone. And everything in italics is his journal. That's about it…ENJOY!!

* * *

The Journal/Journal Entry 1

* * *

It was a strange day for Prince Ozai. His wife, Ursa, who was currently pregnant, started craving Sea Prunes, which was apparently some strange Water Tribe food. She ended up sending practically all of the servants out to find some for her. And after an hour of unsuccessful searching, she went out to help them look, which left poor Ozai alone with their seven-month-old son, Zuko, who was at the moment crying his eyes out.

"Why won't you stop crying!?" He cried in frustration, while trying to remember what Ursa usually did to calm their son down. Then it hit him. " His bottle!"

Ozai jumped up and immediately started digging around their room for one. He knew Ursa kept full baby bottles all over their room in various places. Too bad he wasn't paying any attention when she was showing him where they all were, so he had to settle for looking around until he finally found one.

"Yes, got one." He said, pulling a bottle out of an old chest he was digging through.

He started to get up when he noticed, lying at the bottom of the chest, was an old book that looked oddly familiar to him. Picking it up, he looked at the cover to find that it was blank.

"Odd." He said as he set it on his bed and went to take care of Zuko.

Zuko was fast asleep in no time, which left Ozai to further inspect the book. He sat down on his bed and opened it, the front page read 'The Journal of a Teenage Fire Prince' and his name, which was scribbled in the bottom, left corner.

"My old journal... Hm, this should be interesting." He said as he turned the page and started reading.

* * *

_January 28_

_Today has been a pretty normal day, other than the fact that my brother, Iroh, is back from the war. Which really sucks cause he's so obnoxious. And today was no exception. He was showing off some stupid award he got for some stupid thing he did in some stupid fight…_

* * *

"Ah, is lil' Zai jealous." Iroh taunted, rubbing his medal in my face… literally. He pinned me to the wall and was practically shoving it down my throat.

"Yes, I'm just boiling with jealous rage." I said sarcastically, giving up on trying to get him off of me. He was twice my size! What was I supposed to do?

"Don't worry lil' bro, maybe one day you'll be as awesome as me and be able to get a medal after only one week in the army." He said, retelling that story for about the 42nd time since he got back. Which was about 20 minutes ago. "Well maybe not that awesome. I mean, I am pretty amazing. It would be asking too much of you to become as great as me."

"IROH!! You put your baby brother down this instant!" Ila screamed, running up to the boys pulling Iroh off of Ozai. "What have a told you about picking on him! He's just a little kid!"

"Mother! I swear we weren't doing anything wrong! We were just playing… Cops and Robbers?" He lied, rubbing the back of his head. "Ozai was having fun. Right little guy?"

"Iroh! I will bring out the tea." Jabbing her finger on Iroh's toned chest. "I'll make it white tea too!"

"But mom! You know I hate tea! It's not my fault that it's gross and sissy!"

"I don't care! It's what you get for picking on my baby! And plus, The Fire Lord loves tea. So we all drink it in his name! Well, except your brother, but we all know he's allergic to tea."

"Fine! Whatever, I'll leave him alone." He complained. "I'm going to go make out with my girlfriend. Wait, I need to get one. Gimme ten minutes."

* * *

_January 31_

_This is going to be so awesome! My first boy girl party is tomorrow. I know it's kind of ridiculous, I'm turning 14 and it's my first boy girl party, but my mom's insane. So I made her promise to stay in the back and not hover around everyone._

_Oh, and I got this awesome new shirt the other day. It's like this red kimono style shirt with these gold dangly rope thingys. It's awesome. I'm also going to wear these nice white pants._

_The only downside is that Iroh has to come too. He's probably just going to show off his new girlfriend and make fun of me. Nothing really new there, it's just really annoying. When's he getting shipped out again?_

* * *

Author: So what do you think? I enjoyed writing it, as did Kris the Ninja Pirate, the official co-author of all my stories. Also, don't worry it will get funnier.

Ozai: And weirder.

Author: My stories always do. I also apologize for the shortness of this chapter I couldn't think of much more to put in. Though, just so you know, most my chapters won't be very long. I am also fully aware that they probably don't go by our dates, but it is a parody. So BLAH! And the next chapter should be out soon, seeing as though it's nearly finished, which is a shock for me cause I normally don't work ahead very often.

READ AND REVIEW OR NO COOKIES FOR YOU!!


	2. Happy Birthday

Disclaimer: I own Avatar as much as Kris the Ninja Pirate owns Mongolia. (I so own Mongolia Insane!)

Author: Yeah, Kris is convinced she owns Mongolia.

Zuko: You're convinced you're sane.

Author: HEY!! You're supposed to be a baby.

Zuko: Sorry to disappoint.

Author: Loser, well anyway, here's another chapter. Obviously.

* * *

_February 2_

_Well, my family ruined my birthday. Nothing new there. I just wished, maybe for once, I could have a normal birthday, or a normal day for that matter. Unfortunately my version of normal isn't exactly normal. Well compared to my families anyway._

_But back to what happened yesterday…_

* * *

"How could you get me a sword!?" I shouted, throwing it across the room. "You know I'm against violence dad!" I folded my arms over my chest and stuck my bottom lip down in a pout.

It was about 2 hours before the party started; the servants were just finishing up decorating. My family always gave out gifts before the party for just about any occasion. Don't ask me why, because I honestly don't know.

"Against violence!?" Azulon stared at me with a weird look on his face.

"YES! Because people get hurt, and you know who else gets hurt dad? Animals. Cute, fluffy animals."

"Animals…" He said, his face completely blank.

"I told you." Iroh said smugly. "You should've just got her a cat."

"Iroh! Leave your brother alone." Ila snapped. "Just give him your gift already."

"Fine." He said, shoving a mixing bowl and whisk in my hands. "I figure your going to be a woman anyway."

"ENOUGH!!" Azulon roared, practically spraying the room with fire. Seriously, a good portion of the things in the room were burning, the servants are going to be upset. They had to actually get two of almost everything because my dad has been known to burn things to a crisp when he was upset, which happened often.

He grabbed the bowl and whisk from me and quickly turned them into ashes. Letting out a breath to calm himself, he looked over at us and said, "Well, the party's going to be starting soon. Go get ready." And promptly left the room.

I looked at the now burnt bowl and whisk laying in a mess on the floor. "Great, that would have been perfect for making my special rum raisin cake."

* * *

_And that was just the beginning of my day! The party hadn't even started yet. To think I was even looking forward to my birthday! Families just know how to ruin everything, don't they? _

_The sad thing is, is that my family wasn't the worst part. SHE was the worst part; my mom invited her so I guess it was her fault indirectly. But still, she is the most annoying person in the world! Both our moms' thing we would make 'the cutest couple'. I don't think they get that we hate each other…_

* * *

"Ozai! There you are. I've been looking all over for you." Ila said, running over to me.

"Mom, you promised to leave me alone."

"Yeah, but I noticed you over here, not dancing with anyone so…" She said, suddenly pulling _her _out of what seemed to be thin air. "How about you-"

"NO!" I cut her off. "You know how much I hate her! Why would I dance with her?"

"No arguments here." She replied, trying to free herself from Ila's grip. Which is incredibly hard by the way, Ila is not one you can easily escape from.

"Oh, come now Ozai, Ursa. You two don't mean that."

"Yes, we do!" We both shouted then glared at each other.

"See you're getting along already."

We both took off in opposite direction before Ila could try anything else. Honestly, why do moms have to be so persistent?

Looking around the ballroom that dad made me use for the party. Iroh was flirting with some older girls. Showing off his muscle. He's not even that ripped! I mean come on, I am way sexier then him. But no one seems to notice my toned arms, divine chin and beautiful eyes!

Slinking into a far corner of the room, I stared wide-eyed as my family made fools of themselves. There was my dad, making bad jokes and winking at the moms who stayed behind.

My mom was laughing loudly at all of his jokes, though seething on the inside. I can tell. Cause mom keeps glaring at the back of dad's head.

And then Iroh, not only does he have three girls on his arms. He's eating all of the food!

I should leave my corner for damage control, but I won't.

"Ozai! There you are, I've been looking for you everywhere! It's time to open gifts!" Ila grabbing my hand and dragged me to a huge pile of brightly wrapped gifts. Sitting me down on my dad's throne. That was dragged into the party room, just for today.

Giggling, a small girl walked up to me. A small box in her hands. "Here you go Prince! I got it just for you."

Tearing off the paper, I moaned, a spear! Why do people think I want to fight! I'm a lover not a fighter! Come on people get with the picture! I smiled at the girl anyway and threw the spear behind my back when she turned away.

Swords, shields, helmets, and a cat? Man this is lame! "NEXT!" I shouted, hoping the next one is better then the others.

"Ozai! You will treat these people nicely! They came here for you!" Ila hissed in my ear.

I sighed again, then picked up the last box, staring at the tag taped to the top.

To: The Prince of Poop, Ozai.

From: The amazing Ursa!

My hands started shaking as I began peeling the paper away, ready to dive out of the way if it exploded. I looked down at what was now in my lap. A black jewelry box. Wow, just wow.

"Umm, thank Ursa, I now know that your taste in gifts is as good as your taste in clothes." I stated.

"Look inside the box you loser!" She shouted.

I opened the lid and peered inside. "You're sick! You got me a dead bird!" I shouted throwing the box out of my lap. To bad it landed in my mom's hair.

"Oh my goodness! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" Ila threw the bird back into the air. It landed with a soft 'bloop' in the punch. Great, this will now go down as the world's worst birthday.

* * *

_And that is why family should not be allowed to plan your parties, or even attend them. Or write the guest list for that matter, I can't believe my mom would invite Ursa! Hopefully, after what happened, she'll realize that Ursa and me just don't like each other. Though knowing my mom that won't be happening._

* * *

Author: And that's that. Lovely party wasn't it?

Ozai: Yeah, it was just so much fun.

Author: Well the next chapter will be were the weirder stuff will be happening. Promise. And thanks to Kris the ninja pirate for writing the last half once I ran out of stuff to write!

Katara: Yeah, this is the first story you've actually had had her write part of the chapter. She usually just comes up with ideas.

Author: Well this is a different kind of story, I can't just throw something in when I can't think. There actually has to be a point, sometimes.

Katara: Ah, poor you.

Author: Jerk.

Ty Lee: READ!!

Yue: AND!!

Toph: REVIEW!!

Suki: OR NO COOKIES FOR YOU!!


	3. Hide 'n' Seek

Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar. That's about it.

Author: SOZIN'S COMET WAS AWESOME!! I won't say anything else just in case some of you haven't seen it yet. Well… here's the next chapter.

* * *

February 19

* * *

_Well today has been pretty interesting so far and I'm in a strangely happy mood. My dad isn't though! Especially after what I did today…_

* * *

I ducked behind a small table in the hallway, moving silently, and trying my hardest to keep out of sight. Which was hard, because people my size should not be hiding behind tables and plants.

I walked along the wall to the stairs, then froze. I heard some one walking slowly, probably trying hard not to be noticed. But to bad! I hear you, who ever you are! I dove down the stairs and crawled away. Yeah, eat that guy who wasn't sneaking like me!

I crawled into the game room. I don't even know why we have this room? It's not like my family likes games. Kill joys.

Peeking out from my hiding space behind the statue of my grandpa, I saw him. The one who started the war. Ha ha! This is the best spot in the world! No one will find me here!

"Come out, come out where ever you are." I hear a hoarse whisper and footsteps coming into the room. Crap, I gotta get out of here!

I looked around from some thing to throw. I had to get out! I scanned faster, Ha! I found it. Picking up a small pendent, I threw it quickly across the room. Causing the person who came in to the room to look over to where it fell.

Then I dashed out of room as fast as my toned and amazing legs could carry me. I ran into another room. Ducking behind the bed, wait, bed? Whose room am I in?

I lifted my head up and groaned. Dang it! I'm in Iroh's room! How did this happen? If he finds me in here I'm dead. Or I might as well be.

"Come out, come out, where ever you are!" I groaned again. I can't go outside. They'll find me!

Hiding under the bed again, I held my breath. I listened as the steps faded away and let out my breath. I'm safe for now.

I got out from under the bed, I think I was lying in some thing sticky. I looked down at my clothes. My shirt's covered in purple stuff! I don't even what to know what this is.

I walked around the room. Staring at all the nick-naks that my loser brother has. What's he doing with… pictures of raccoons everywhere? WEIRD!

I moved over to the window. It's a nice view, the green grass, a nice clear view of the small lake thingy we have in the gardens… Wow, that's really gay of me…

'_Wait, shouldn't Iroh be in his room by now? It's getting late… I feel like I'm forgetting something.' _I thought as I crept out of his room, still a little weirded out.

I headed straight for my room, which was luckily located across the hall from Iroh's room. Pulling my shirt off, I grabbed one out of my closet and slipped it on, throwing the one covered in purple stuff in the hamper.

'_Okay, now I'm really confused. Where is everybody.' _I thought as I walked out of my room to search for a new place to hide. _'I know we're playing-'_

"Hey! This is my spot. Find your own place to hide." Someone shouted, from behind the curtain I was about to move.

"Fine!" I shouted, then stalked down the hallway. "Stupid jerk, ruining my good time."

"YOU'RE IT!" I tensed. Someone is touching me! AND NOW I'M IT!

I looked over my shoulder and saw that vile hand gripping me. It had yellow fingernails! How gross is that!

"Prince, you're it!" I groaned. It's not fair! I'm royalty! People should let me go! I shrugged off the gross hand and started counting.

"1, 2, 3, 4… 67, 68 …130. READY OR NOT HERE I COME!" I uncovered my eyes and looked around the room. No one would be stupid enough to hide in here.

'_I guess some one is'._ I looked over and saw Mr. Yellow fingernails hiding behind a pot. … Which is sad. Cause he's a little too big for that.

I sneak up behind the man. Poking him in the back. "YOU'RE IT AGAIN! HA!" I ran from the room before the guy can yell at me.

I ran through the halls, passing workers on the way… There are lots more people then before. Then I realized something; none of these people were workers. In fact I recognized some of them. Some were generals I'd seen going into war meetings with dad and others were some of the political leaders.

Of course! Tonight was the night of the big banquet dad was holding as a celebration for some war thing. That's why Iroh wasn't in his room… And I was running around playing Hide 'n' Seek with half the servants in the palace… I'm dead.

I quickly looked around, but I didn't see my dad anywhere. Where could he be? This was getting scary. I took off down the hallway, keeping an eye out for the Fire Lord.

I walked slowly down the hallway, glancing over my shoulder every once in a while, just waiting for him to pop up. Luckily, he isn't one to just pop up, he more of comes storming in and breaking something on the way. So as soon as I heard a crash I ducked behind a pillar, right as he came out of a room and started storming down the hallway.

He didn't even see me!

As soon as he turned the corner I got out from behind the pillar and started heading back to my room. Unfortunately, I'm cursed. Whenever I'm in a good mood I have extremely bad luck. Which I just so happened to forget right then.

And as I started heading to m room, dad came back around the corner and was standing right in front of me with a look in his eyes that clearly said "I'm going to kill you."

People do a lot of things when they know they're about to die. Some people see their life flash before their eyes. Some scream or pass out. I did what most people do… I ran.

I knew it wasn't the smartest thing to do, but come on! My dad is pissed off and he is not one to be merciful when he is angry.

And why did I have to be in such a good mood today!? Stupid bad luck! Because as soon as I took off down the hallway Mr. Nasty Yellow Fingernails decided it would be a great time to pop up!

* * *

_My dad was pretty mad and yelled at me for about an hour, in fact I can still hear him breaking things down the hall every now and again._

_The worst part is is that I actually could've gotten away with playing Hide 'n' Seek with half the servants in the palace during the banquet, because guess what?! My dad didn't even know I was the reason half the servants were missing, he was just mad at me because I forgot about. He was going to yell at the servants later._

_BUT! Mr. Stupid Nasty Yellow Fingernails opened his big mouth and said it was my idea. Now my dad is coming up with some stupid punishment for me. _

_The only good thing that happened today was that I was somehow able to get Mr. Stupid Nasty Yellow Fingernails fired. He deserved it… sort of._

_Well I'm going to bed now. I'll find out what my punishment is tomorrow. I think. Dad did say he was going to have to think about it… I'm scared._

* * *

Author: BUM BUM BUM!! What kind of punishment is it going to be?!

Ozai: It's not like it's anything serious.

Author: SHUT UP!! They're not supposed to know.

Ursa: Why? It's not like it's that shocking.

Author: BECAUSE I SAID SO!!

Ozai: But I wanna tell.

Author: No! That's the Narrator's job.

Ursa: We have a Narrator?

Narrator(AKA Kris the Ninja Pirate): Next time on this stupid story. Ozai has to get a job! What's he going to do? Oh wait! Fire Lord Azulon has already picked one for him. But who is he working with? And when will the chapters get any longer? Find out next time on this increasingly moronic story.

Ozai: Apparently we do… and it's Kris… and she's a jerk.

Author: Yes, yes she is. But that's why we're such good friends.

Hakoda: READ!!

Bato: AND!!

Pakku: REVIEW!!

Gran Gran(AKA Kana): OR NO COOKIES FOR YOU!!


	4. New Kid

Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar. The only thing I own is my soul… wait, Kris took that last week. Darn it.

Author: FINALLY!! I never thought I'd be able to get this done. It took me forever to just write the first part. I had some writer's block, plus I just posted another story.

Zuko: Yeah and it obviously has nothing to do with the fact that you're a lazy procrastinator.

Author: I never said that, in fact that's probably the reason Prince Squinty.

Zuko: WILL YOU QUIT CALLING ME THAT!!

Author: No.

Kris: BWAHAHAHA!! I'm evil!

Zuko: Curse you Kris. You need to stop giving her ideas you know she'll use.

Kris: NEVER!! … I'm going to go bake a cake right now… wait... there's nothing in my house to bake with. I'm sad now.

Author: Ah, you made her sad you jerk!

Zuko: That wasn't my-

Author and Kris: ON WITH THE STORY!!

* * *

_March 13_

_So my dad finally picked out a punishment, and it took forever too. Seriously two weeks and he decides I need to get a job. What's up with that?!_

_And the guy I'm working for is a complete nut case. He only sells one thing and nothing else. You'd think they guy was in love if you talked to him._

_Well, it'll at least get me out of the palace for a bit…_

* * *

I threw another cabbage on the cart and sighed as half of them fell right back off. You know, for a guy who sells only one thing. He doesn't do a very good job. Why not make something out of the cabbages? Wouldn't that be better anyway. Like, cabbage cookies! Shaped like little heads of cabbages. Or even a soup! That would sell well… I think.

I picked up a few of the heads that fell on the ground and started to walk to the small well on the far side of town. Why must the Cabbage man park his cart on the other side!? WHY!?

Speaking of the crazy man I now work for. (No thank you father!) Where did he go? Maybe he got killed by some strange kids and there pet flying monkey! ….No, that would be just to awesome to ever happen.

"Ozai, wow, I never thought I would see the day that my little brother would be working, I feel like crying!" Iroh said as he came walking up to the cart, grabbing a cabbage and tossing it in the air.

"Iroh, I am not in the mood to deal with your dumb taunts and junk. AND PUT THAT DOWN! YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK IT!" I grabbed the head out of his hand. Petting the now ruined cabbage, I glared at the loser who hurt it. "Great, this will come out of my pay!"

"Ozai, you are aware that you're a prince. You don't have to worry about money at all. You're rich!" Iroh grabbed another head, throwing it into the street.

"Iroh, that was the smarted thing you've ever said." I threw the cabbage in my hand over my shoulder. "Why work well? I'M RICH!"

"OW!!" Of course I hit someone with the cabbage!

"Who threw this?" A really, really big guy said, walking right over to Iroh and me.

"He did it!" I shouted, immediately pointing at Iroh. When all else fails, blame Iroh, because he somehow usually gets away with it.

"Wait, I… uh… huh." Iroh stuttered, backing up a bit.

"You… wait. Iroh? Iroh! It is you! It's me, Lee. Remember, we went to school together!" See! Iroh gets out of everything.

"Lee! It's great to see you again, it's been too long." My brother grinned, shaking Lee's hand. "This is Ozai, my obnoxious little brother. Ozai, this is Lee."

"Yeah, he kind of just said that." I said, glaring at Iroh. Stupid annoying older brothers.

"Well he's definitely as obnoxious as my younger brother." Lee said, looking down at me. I wonder if I killed him I could plead temporary insanity?

I kind of tuned them out for the rest of their conversation. They just talked about girls and… well, girls. That's about it. My brother isn't exactly someone you can have an intellectual conversation with.

Well, Iroh and Lee finally took off. Iroh said something about getting something to eat, but I didn't really listen. I leaned against the cabbage cart, picking up one of the cabbages and tossing it up and down.

"Well now I'm bored again."

"Yeah, working at a cabbage cart is pretty boring." Some kid said, walking over and leaning against the cart.

He was clearly not from around here. He was wearing Fire Nation clothes, but he had blue eyes and tan skin. Definitely Water Tribe, but what's he doing here?

"Who are you?"

"Oh right, I don't know if the Cabbage man mentioned me, but I work here too. I'm not entirely sure why though." He shrugged, watching the market place as if he was looking for someone. "My name's – OH NO!"

"You're names oh no?" I joked.

"No, oh no as in, 'oh no, that's the guy who's cart I accidentally smashed earlier.'" He said as he grabbed me and pulled me under the cabbage cart with him.

"Why am I hiding?" I asked, confused as to why I was hiding from someone I didn't even know.

"Because you're now an accomplice."

"Accomplice to what?"

"Smashing the guys cart, don't you ever pay attention?" He rolled his eyes and went back to watching the man, waiting for him to leave.

I looked over at whom he was staring at, he was a middle-aged man, clearly pissed off, and holding what looked like the remains of some old vase or something like that. Wait, that's the guy who owns the antique cart, that explains it. He was always mean, plus the fact that this kid destroyed his cart couldn't have helped that.

"I know him." I said looking over at the boy.

"You do? Any chance you can get me out of trouble?" He asked, looking somewhat anxious.

"Hell no, he hates me."

"Why? What'd you do?"

"Nothing big. I just 'accidentally' broke a few of his antiques when I was shopping with my mom." I replied, grinning a bit. Those were good times.

"Shopping with your mom for antiques?" He asked, looking at me with a questioning look.

"One, I didn't say that exactly. And two, she forced me." I said, then asked. "Hasn't your mom ever forced you to do something like that?"

He looked away after that, clearly having something embarrassing he didn't want to say. Looking back out into the market place, I noticed the antique shop owner had left. I wonder where he went? Maybe I should've been paying better attention. Eh, who cares. It's not like any harm will come out of it.

"So, if you smashed that guys cart. You must be cool. And that makes you freaking awesome in my book!" I said, throwing my arm over his shoulder after we got out from under the cart. Ignoring the weird look he gave me. "I feel like I should give you a nickname. Some thing that sounds like a sneeze, hm… how about Spud-bicks?"

"Dude, I just met you! You can't give me a nickname! And not one as gay is Spud-bicks…. Are you like drunk or some thing?!"

"Only a little. It turns out when you make your cook mad. They slip stuff in your food, who knew!" I smiled at Spud-bicks.

"Well, I don't care how drunk you are! You can't call me Spud-bicks. My name is Hakoda! …Wait, you have a cook! Are you like rich or some thing?" Hakoda said, staring at me.

"Well Spud, I am rich. So rich in fact I can buy all the letters in your name, put a copy right on them, and make you go by Spud-bicks." I finished, biting the inside of my mouth to keep from laughing like a mad man.

"...So, if you're rich, why are you working for the Cabbage man?" Hakoda asked.

"Well, this my friend, is what happens when you play with all the servants at a fancy party and end up messing things up for your dad."

"Wow, that's pretty awesome."

"Hell yeah it's awesome! I mean, come on, who else would do some thing like that! I freaking rock!" I grabbed another cabbage and tossed it up in the air, catching it behind my back. Oh yeah, I so rock.

"Well, you know my name, though I doubt you'll call me that. What's yours?" I looked back over at Spud/Hakoda.

"Oh, the name is Ozai, Prince of the Fire Nation. Maybe you've heard of me?"

"No, can't say that I have. I've heard of Iroh though. They say Prince Iroh can lift a whole cow-kangaroo over his head and throw it fifty feet across from where he's standing! And he can eat a forty pounds of beef in one sitting then run six miles!"

"LIES! ALL LIES! Iroh can't even left me over his head!" I shouted, throwing my cabbage on the ground in rage.

"Well Ozai, you look like you weigh more then a Cow-Kangaroo." Hakoda grinned at me like he just said something really clever.

"I am not fat! I'm smaller then you! Here look." I pulled off my shirt to show him just how little I am. "See, you're the fat one Spud!"

"Like hell I'm fat!" Hakoda pulled off his own shirt. Dude, this kid has noodle arms! "See look how un toned and skinny I am!"

"OH MY GOD! PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!"

Both Hakoda and I turned to see a group of girls our age walking by. All with looks of pure disgust…. Crap… I ducked behind the cart, dragging Hakoda with me as I tried to pull on my shirt at the same time…It didn't work out so well. I got one of my arms through the right hole. But my head in the other arm slot. And my other hand tore open the collar.

Looking over to see Hakoda pulling on his shirt with no problem then striding back out to the girls. "Why hello ladies. Like what you saw? I don't charge for looking, but there is a fee for touching." Winking at the girls, he ran a hand through his hair to give it that sexy _'just got out of bed look'_

"Oh, and how much is this fee?" I gasped as the girls started smiling and giggling, blushes on their faces.

"Well for you pretty ladies, I think I can let you get a free touch." Cocking his head to the side. "Oh, come here little miss lady, what is such a pretty thing like you hiding in the back of the group for?"

Slowly the girls part, letting a shy looking girl step forward. Nice long hair pulled up in a crazy looking way. Her skirt was showing a bit of leg…. Nice legs. The girl had her face down, I guess she's blushing too.

"Aww, come on miss. I would love to see your face." Hakoda smiled at the girl, shiny teeth glowing in the sun.

Slowly the girl lifted her face. I tried to pull my head closer to the group. I want to see her face!

Nice red lips, high cheek bones, and pale skin. She lifted her head all the way up, the blush still on her cheeks.

…URSA!!...I stared at the _'shy'_ girl that stood in front of Spud. Ursa is blushing, and she looks hot!

"HAKODA! DON'T DO IT! IT'S A TRAP! SHE'LL EAT YOUR SOUL!" I shouted, diving out from behind the cart. I tackled Hakoda to the ground as all the girls started screaming.

I pulled Spud away from the girls, running as fast as I could back to the palace. "I'll keep you safe from her, spud. Just run!"

We ran all the way up to the palace, not stopping until we made it into the garden area. Collapsing on the ground, we slowly started to catch our breath.

"Dude! What's wrong with you?" Hakoda asked, staring over at me.

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you?" I pointed at him. "That was Ursa, the most evil girl on the face of the planet!!"

Hakoda just stared at me for a minute, completely unfazed by what I had said. I wondered if he heard me, that is until he started laughing his head off. Jerk.

"You have the hots for her, don't you?" He asked after he finally stopped laughing.

"WHAT?! Me? Like Ursa?" I asked, staring at him as if he grew a second head. "This is Ursa were talking about, evil, horrible, gave me a dead bird for my birthday, monster.

"Yeah, you like her. Wait, gave you a dead bird for your birthday?"

"YES! She. Is. Evil." I said, trying to emphasize my point.

"Hm… Maybe she likes you too?" He suggested.

"… That's not evil humanly possible Spuds."

"Whatever. I'll stay away from Ursa. And you really need to stop with the Spuds thing. It's Hakoda."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes, then realized I wasn't wearing a shirt. "Uhm… I'm going to go get a shirt on."

"Yeah, I think I'll go get something to eat." He said as we both got up. "Bye."

"Yeah, see you tomorrow. Bye." I said before I headed up to my room.

* * *

_So all in all, it wasn't as bad as it could've been. Hakoda's pretty cool; I don't know where he gets his crazy ideas though. I mean me like Ursa? Seriously, that's impossible if not somewhat disturbing. _

_I did get in some trouble later when dad found out I ditched work, but Iroh showed up and talked him out of punishing me. Which is strange, because Iroh is never nice to me. I think it's a sign of the Apocalypse. That or he's getting nicer or some weird thing like that… Yep, the world's definitely coming to an end._

* * *

Author: So what do you think? Good? Bad? What the crap? Please, let me know.

Ozai: The author is currently going through… Wait what are you going through?

Author: The need to be loved.

Kris: You will never be loved.

Author: I know… Anyway, what did you all think about Hakoda being Ozai's friend? I've been thinking about this since forever! Well since I first saw Hakoda. AND I FINALLY GOT TO PUT IT IN A STORY!! YAY!! –dances- … -passes out-

Aang: The Author just passed out because she remembered she's starting school tomorrow and is incredibly depressed.

Toph: LET'S KICK HER WHILE SHE'S DOWN!! –kicks author in the stomach-

Sokka: … Can she do that?

Aang: I don't know…

Zuko: READ!!

Zhoa: AND!!

Azula: REVIEW!!

Ozai: OR NO COOKIES FOR YOU!!


	5. Sleep Deprivation

Disclaimer: Avatar isn't mine, sorry to disappoint.

Author: Well, this is chapter five. I didn't think I was going to even get this far.

Ursa: It's true, she didn't.

Author: Yeah, anyway, it's all because of Kris I got this far. SO GOOD FOR YOU KRISSY!! I shall dedicate this chapter to you! Why? Cause Sugar crash mixed with sleep deprivation makes me a crazy person.

Ozai: Yeah, we're all fearing for our lives right now.

Hakoda: Sleepy, loopy author is always scary.

Author: ON WITH THE STORY!!

* * *

_March 27_

_So it's been two weeks since I met Hakoda and started working for the Cabbage man, who is still as crazy as ever. I thought he was going to kill us when he caught us kicking a cabbage around on the ground. It was scary to say the least. _

_Well anyway, Hakoda somehow talked me into seeing who could go the longest without sleep. It didn't exactly end well. By the fourth day…_

* * *

"Feeling sleepy yet?" Hakoda asked. We were both leaning against the Cabbage cart, looking completely dead.

"No, I'm fine. You?" I asked back, this had become a routine over the past few days. We both ask how the other is feeling, then try to get the other to fall asleep.

"Great! Never felt better." He said, trying to sound enthusiastic but just ended up sounding drunk.

"Are you two still going on with that 'no sleep' thing?" Ursa asked, glaring at us as she walked up.

She had found out about it yesterday, for some reason she got really upset. Why should she care if we're not sleeping? Hakoda was convinced it was because of him, but I sincerely doubt that. Anyway, she got pretty annoying about.

"Haven't I told you it's not healthy to go without sleep for long periods of time?" She said, sounding very motherly.

"And haven't I told you, we don't care!" I said, getting really agitated. "I swear, you sound like my mother sometimes."

Ursa looked upset at that, then glared at us and stormed off. What a strange, strange girl.

"How are you two ever going to hook up if you keep fighting." Hakoda said, as he started to use a cabbage as a pillow.

"I TOLD YOU!!" I shouted, pulling the cabbage out from under his head causing him to smack his head against the cart and bounce up really quick. "I don't like Ursa!"

"OW! That hurt." He said, rubbing the side of his head. "Sheesh, you're grumpy without sleep."

"Oh really, yah think?" I snapped. Wow, I am a jerk without sleep.

I just rolled my eyes and started looking around, that's all we ever seem to do at this job. Scanning the marketplace, I froze when I saw… giant pineapples? Walking towards me. I blinked once, then twice. They were still there. There is definitely something weird going on.

They stopped right in front of the cart and looked down at me. I stood there in shock, blinking a few times, waiting for them to disappear.

"Give me your money." One of the pineapples demanded. Wait, the pineapple can talk?

"Huh?" I rubbed my eyes, nope still there. Then suddenly one of them shoved me down and took off running.

"What the?" I looked around, now the pineapple's disappear.

"Why did you just fall over?" Hakoda suddenly asked, snapping me back to reality.

"A pineapple knocked me over."

"A pineapple?"

"Yep."

"I see… You're hallucinating aren't you?"

"Most likely."

"You wanna give up?"

"Not a chance." I smirked. I may be going crazy and seeing giant talking fruit, but I, Prince Ozai of the Fire Nation, never give up. Except that time Iroh had me pinned to the ground, I had to give up them. But come on! The guy is twice my size, not to mention he weighs a ton. And he may keep saying it's muscle, but I think he's getting a little chubby.

* * *

Two hours later

* * *

"We find ourselves walking through the deep dark edges of the abyss. Not knowing what could happen as we continue on our noble quest. Pondering what could very well be the last moments of our lives. I find myself wondering how I ended up here, why am I here with an idiot like him, and what am I to do once we reach our destination."

"Why are you monologuing?" I asked, staring at Hakoda as if he grew a third head, fourth arm, eigth eyeball, and ninth eyebrow. So my heads not that clear right now.

"I'm not entirely sure."

"Right… And what do you mean 'deep dark edges of the abyss'? It's the middle of the day." I said. "And what's up with the noble quest thing, we're just going to wash some cabbages off. And neither of us are dying, so I don't get the last moments part. And I'm not an idiot, you are."

"… You know what… I am sleep deprived, a little loopy, and… I DON'T NEED ANY OF YOUR CRAP!!" Hakoda suddenly shouted. Wow, I've never seen him angry before.

"You're a jerk without sleep too." I added, probably didn't need to though.

Then it happened.

I was suddenly thrown into a wall, dropping all the cabbages I was holding as I feel to the ground. And in case any of you don't know, getting slammed into a wall hurts. Remember that. I looked up and stared right at the one who threw me into the wall.

"What's your problem Hakoda?!" I shouted, springing to my feet.

"You are, you evil space pirate!" He shouted, pointing a finger at me.

"Why am I your prob- wait did you say space pirate?" I asked, staring at him like he was crazy, again. Crap, now he's hallucinating.

"YOU SHALL NEVER DEVOUR MY SOUL!! MONSTER!" He shouted, then seemed to disappear.

And the next thing I knew I was wrestling with a giant pineapple. Okay, so I'm a little crazy.

"Get off of me!" I shouted, shoving the pineapple off of me, then charging it and slamming it into a wall. Yes, I rock! Unfortunately, the pineapple was stronger than it looked and shoved me off of him.

We went to attack each other again. I was going to try punching the pineapple in the face, does it even have a face? Then as soon as I got close… everything went black and painful.

* * *

"Ow, my head." I moaned as I sat up and looked around. I was in… my room? "What happened?"

"I slammed your heads together, rendering you both unconscious, when I saw you and Hakoda fighting." I heard someone answer from the doorway. Wait, I know that voice.

"Ursa?" I asked, staring at her thoroughly confused. "Since when do you care what we do?"

"Since I realized you two are so stupid you need someone to look after you." She replied, before turning to leave. "By the way, Hakoda's at his place and I'm not letting either of you out of your rooms before you get at least 8 hours of sleep."

And with that the door slammed shut. That was strange. Was Ursa actually… caring? I'm so confused. Everything I know and love is turning upside down! Ursa can't be nice, she just can't be. She's mean, evil, rude, cute, obnoxious, horrible … did I just say cute? …

* * *

_I can't like Ursa! That's just wrong. We've known and hated each other since birth. It's just not possible for me to like her. Plus if I did, then Hakoda could rub it in my face. AND THAT'S NOT HAPPENING!! _

_Anyway, neither of us won the 'staying up as long as possible' contest, if you could even call it that. We both decided that sleep deprivation was very dangerous for both of us. I'm not even sure why I saw giant fruit. I think Hakoda knows why he saw space pirates, but he won't tell me. Weird._

_Well all in all, it wasn't a horrible day. Just weird, and confusing. Oh, and I forgot to mention. Hakoda said a good friend of his was going to come to visit him in a few days. He said something about them being the biggest pranksters in their village, so I better watch my back._

* * *

Author: Yeah, sorry it's short. And if you couldn't tell, they were both hallucinating. Yeah. Weird chapter. It was inspired by my friend who went four days without sleep and started hallucinating at work.

Ozai: Wow, you took forever to write this chapter.

Author: SHUT UP!! School is evil! And it takes away all my free time.

Ozai: That, and you procrastinate.

Author: I hate you.

Ozai: No you don't.

Author: I know. GAH! Now I have a headache.

Chong: READ!!

Hue: AND!!

Lily: REVIEW!!

Tho: OR NO COOKIES FOR YOU!!


	6. Races and Raccoons

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN AVATAR!! No need to rub it in, I'm already upset about it.

Author: STUPID SCHOOL!! I haven't gotten a chance to update in forever. XP

Zuko: Is it school, or you procrastinating and playing your games and reading fanfics while you should be doing school.

Author: Don't make me kill you.

Zuko: I'm so scared.

Author: You should be!! I can make Ozai have kids sooner, thus rendering you nonexistent!!

Ozai: So I might actually get good kids?

Zuko: Do you have to be such a jerk all the time?

Ozai: BLAME MIKE AND BRYAN!!

Zuko: I will not! They're the only ones who can change me, thus meaning you, author, can not render me nonexistent. HA!!

Author: DANG IT!!

Katara and Azula: ON WITH THE STORY!!

* * *

_April 14_

_So Hakoda's friend, Bato, finally showed up. It was for a very strange reason. Though he's cool to hang out with so I guess it's okay._

_And on a weirder note, Ursa's been hanging out with us lately, Hakoda, Bato, and me. It's been a little creepy. I think she's plotting something, but Hakoda's saying that I'm just saying that because I like her. HONESTLY!! I DO NOT LIKE HER!! He won't get it through his head! It's really annoying. I can't like her… I think… WHATEVER!!…_

* * *

"So you sprained your ankle why'll trying to compete in a race around the world?" Hakoda asked Bato for about the 40th time.

"YES!! I did." Bato shouted, he seemed to be getting really irritated with Hakoda. I, on the other hand, was just sitting back and watching them fight it out. It was interesting to say the least.

"This is by far the stupidest thing you've ever done."

"Even stupider than teasing that polar mongoose-bear."

"Yes… well… maybe. That's besides the point!"

"What's the point then?"

"The point is, is that you lost all of our money getting to the starting place of the race. And now, neither of us can get home until we raise more money!!"

"It wasn't my fault!! It was that stupid Bumi's fault. Stupid earthbender cheated!!"

"Bumi? As in KING Bumi? As in King Bumi who's practically the Hulk, with weirder clothes?"

"Who's the Hulk?"

"BESIDES THE POINT!!"

"WHAT'S THE POINT!?"

"YOU LOST ALL OUR MONEY!!" Hakoda shouted, hitting Bato in the arm between each word.

"Ow, I'll just get a job then." He said, rubbing his arm.

"And where exactly are you going to get a job?"

"He can have my old job." I said, finally joining the conversation.

"You're old job?" Hakoda asked, staring at me. "You said you never worked before this."

"I didn't. I'm talking about this job."

"WHAT?! When did you quit? I thought this was a punishment? How come I didn't know about this earlier? Why didn't you tell me? What's going on in the world? Are you trying to ditch me? You don't feel left out do you? You know, cause Bato's here. Then again why would anyone be jealous of Bato, he's a loser."

"Thanks man."

"No problem."

"Uhm… Lemme see if I can answer all of these. I'm going to quit today. This was punishment, but I got out of it. This is the first time I saw you since I decided to quit and you've been busy talking with Bato. The world is at war that's about all that's going on. I'm not ditching you; I'll still show up to mess with you. And I don't feel left out."

"Wow, I'm impressed. I didn't think anyone but me could understand Hakoda when he ranted."

"Yeah, it took a while, but I'm getting it."

"Okay, one, that's almost insulting. And two, how'd you get out of working here?"

"It's very simple. I whined, I begged, and most importantly, I acted pathetic."

"Wow… That's very devious." Hakoda said, nodding his head up and down.

"And a bit sad." Bato added.

"That may be, but I'm not working here for much longer. And that's all that matters to me."

"And I might get your job, that's all the matters to me." Bato grinned. "Wait, what do you guys do around here?"

"Oh, just kind of sit around, sometimes sell a cabbage or two." Hakoda said while tossing a cabbage up and down.

"The only rule is never, ever drop a cabbage… while the Cabbage Man is looking." I grinned as we started tossing the cabbage back and forth.

"Why not?"

"If you don't want to die, you'll heed our advice." Hakoda said, dropping the cabbage back into the cart.

* * *

_We didn't do much after that. Bato took me job. The Cabbage Man seemed relieved when he found out I was quitting. Which upset me so I lit one of his cabbages on fire… I will never do that again. He threw at me. Have you ever had a flying fiery cabbage thrown at you? I didn't think so. It was scary._

* * *

_May 23_

_Iroh won't get out of the bathroom…_

* * *

"WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG!!" I shouted as loud as I possibly could. This wasn't anything new, Iroh always hogged the bathroom. But this was the day when all the bathrooms were being redecorated. Don't ask me why this one wasn't, I'm not really sure.

"I need my hair to look just right, what if someone gets a picture while my hairs a mess! I can't have that happen!! I won't!" Iroh shouted. Wow, someone's vain.

"Are you serious?"

"Very!"

"Come on!! I need to take a shower too!" I glared at the door.

"Go to another bathroom!"

"You know I can't!!"

"Yeah, I know. I just enjoy messing with you."

"You are a sick, sick person."

"True."

"But seriously, why are you taking so long?"

"I have a date tonight, okay?!"

"Oh come on, there's worse things then not looking absolutely perfect for a girl!"

"Like what!?"

"She could find out about your obsession with raccoons."

"…How did you know about that?"

"Uhm… What was that?! I can't hear you? You need to speak up!" I shouted as I started backing away from the bathroom.

BANG!

The bathroom door flew open; Iroh stood there, looking pretty pissed off. So I did what any normal person would do, I got the hell out of there.

Iroh didn't catch me luckily. I was able to hide before he found me. Though I'm pretty sure he's going to take the first chance he gets to beat the crap out of me. Looks like a lot of ducking and running for the next week or so. And don't ask me about the raccoon thing, I'm not sure what that's about.

* * *

Author: Sorry for the short chapter, but my dad is about to do work on my computer and I don't want there to be any chance that this gets deleted. So I had to post it. And sorry if it sucks, I just needed to put something up.

Ozai: You're getting pathetic.

Author: Don't make me hurt you.

Ozai: Oh, I'm so scared.

Author: You should be… you should be…

Ozai: You're in a very threatening mood aren't you?

Aang: READ!!

Katara: AND!!

Toph: REVIEW!!

Sokka: OR NO COOKIES FOR YOU!!


End file.
